FatJ regulars out there probably remember me mentioning how I’ve fallen slightly out of love with our family pet. While the canine Leila has always had a number of idiosyncrasies that I’ve found irritating, my all-encompassing annoyance with her basically began when Ryan was born. I mean, who has time do deal with dog misbehaviors, antics, and needs when when you’re up all night with an infant that’s been attached to you all day. I know lots of people are able to *do it all* (as in, raise child, cope with dog antics) with success and happiness, but I’m not sure I’m one of them.
Thus, we’ve been talking about giving away our dog. Up until now this was all just theoretical talk, because as much as we offered and begged and used her as a prize in a blog giveaway, we never found any serious takers. Until now.
Apparently the daughter of a friend of my dad’s would be interested in acquiring our beast lovely pet as a companion for her lab. And tonight she called me. Glug. And now we have to really decide if we want to part with our little LL that we’ve raised from puppyhood through the ripe old age of 5.5. Rather, I need to decide if I am ready to permanently part with her, because FatJ just told me that it’s all up to ME to make this decision, since I’m the one who has to deal with her at home all day, and I’m the one who gets sufficiently annoyed by her on a regular basis (although FatJ does agree she’s annoying).
So what am I asking here on this tft?? I need help. Should I give away my dog? Do you think I’d regret it? Or would it be a liberating act, for her and for us? Have you ever given away a dog because situations changed, life changed? Do you know anyone who has? I know a lot of people are judging me right now, thinking about what a cold-hearted loser I am for just up and (considering) giving away my dog, a ‘member of the family.’ I can handle the judgments. I can deal with any negative things people think about me, if I know deep down the decision is right for us. But I’m being indecisive about this, now that it could actually happen. And I guess I’m using this blog post to sort some things out in my head. So before you answer my questions, please take a moment to consider the following information.
Leila, some basic info: Breed- golden retriever. Age- 5.5. Temperament- spirited, high-energy. Loves exercise and attention and games and fun. But will also get sleepy in the evening and hang out if everything is low-key. We got Leila three years into our marriage. 
FatJ wanted a dog, I didn’t really want one, but eventually came around. We met Leila for the first time at the age of two weeks old, when she slept in my lap. We got her at 8 weeks old. She was the runt of the litter. She was fiesty and high-maintenance from day one. She does not like to be in a crate or a kennel or any type of containment system. If she is in the house with you and you would like her to remain in a room away from you, she screeches and barks and claws and goes crazy. She barks at everything- the mailman, squirrels, people on the sidewalk, leaves blowing by. She barks (ferociously) inside our fenced backyard. She loves running around outside, retrieving tennis balls, swimming, and chasing squirrels. She is meant to live somewhere where she could run free all the time. Somewhere like a north woods cabin, or a farm.
What I/we find annoying/hard to handle about Leila: She needs A LOT of exercise. More than we can or are willing at this time of our lives to provide. Yes, I take walks all the time with Ryan. But Leila likes long, exercise-intensive walks. Ryan no longer loves riding in his stroller for long periods of time. So if Ryan walks, Leila is hyper and pulling on the leash and tries to move faster and run after every squirrel. Leila wants to chase tennis balls. If I bring both child and dog to participate in this activity (which I must, because I’m the only one home during the day) Leila manages to knock Ryan over multiple times, get away from me, chase through the neighborhood…well you get the picture. It is really hard to keep the dog entertained and happy while having a baby/toddler to take care of. Not everyone may agree with this, but human children take priority over animal children in our household. And it is not fun to lug my kid around the neighborhood while chasing after my dog that got out of the fence for the fifth time this week because all she wants to do is exercise and have fun. When people come over, she basically attacks them with wild jumping, licking and spazzing. Most people don’t enjoy that. If little kids are over, they get knocked down. She’s snapped at Ryan and at our nephew Max before. I don’t think she’d ever really hurt a child, but you never know. She does lots of sneaky things that just pile up over a day’s time and wear on me. Things like jumping up onto the kitchen counter when I’m not looking and stealing the food I was about to make for dinner. Things like going into the bathroom garbage and stringing its contents throughout the living room. Things like escaping through the front door when I’m saying goodbye to a friend and getting attacked by poodles and costing me hundreds of dollars. Things like barking right in the middle of Ryan’s nap and waking him up. Things like charging down the stairs at 100mph and waking Ryan up in the morning, while simultaneously ripping up the hardwood floors. I could go on but I’ll stop here.
Some good things about Leila: She’s cute. She is a sweet, nice puppy who loves people and will remain loyal to her companions. She cleans up all the sloppy food Ryan tosses onto the walls and floor and high chair. If anyone ever tried to break into our house she’d bark really loudly and would probably scare them away. She knows how to have fun, which is great when you’re also in the mood to have fun (but can get annoying when you just want to sit down and do nothing.)
Miscellaneous: We live in a city. We have a postage-stamp sized backyard. The potential dog-adopters live “up north”, not in the country exactly, but in a more rural city than the one where we live. The potential dog-adopters are childless and are therefore able to devote buckets of love and attention onto dogs. They also live next to a nature preserve. They also exercise their current dog for 1-2 hours per day. They also have a DOG BLOG. I think they have the potential to be good Leila parents. On the flip side, Leila was our first baby. She has also become quite adored by our second real baby. Ryan LOVES Leila. She makes him giggle, she makes him laugh, she makes him squeal. They play little games together now where Ryan hides a ball and Leila tries to get it away from him. Or he’ll hold a cracker and tease her with it. One of his first words was “dog.” When we get home from being gone he giggles as I unlock the backdoor in anticipation of seeing “doggie.” He’s even starting to say her name, which comes out as “waywa”. BUT…she does get impatient with him. She gets irritated when he tries to pull her tail for the 90th time. She’s snapped at him before, growled in his face, made him cry.
Okay, so that’s it. I have to make a decision. Do I stick it out with Leila the Wonder Beast, or do I offer her up to others? Please advise.
This is my first comment and if now isn’t the time… I say keep her! she’s pary of the family… home wouldn’t be the same without her. Can’t she be put on doggie Ridaline?
From your post and the way your “sorting things out on the blog” came out, it sounds to me like you’re definitely leaning more towards sharing your loving dog with someone who can love her better right now at this point in her life. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. You’re acknowledging that the high maintenance of a dog is more that you want to handle right now, and that means you do have Leila’s best interest in mind. Leila will be happy and taken care of either way… either with the family she’s known her whole life, or with a new family and a doggie sibling to run with and room to roam and more energy and attention focused on her. Without worrying about giving up your “baby”, or “how it looks”, where do you think she’d be happier? And even though you will miss her, Ryan will miss her; where will she be happier in the long run? Where she’s tolerated and resented, or where she’s got space and the chance to be the active boisterous dog she is?
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to give her a better dog life and sharing her with another family. You don’t need to feel bad about it if that’s what you choose.
Also, the decider for me would be the growling and snapping at Ryan or other kids. I know only you know the reality and seriousness of that/those situations, but that stuff always really makes me nervous. I’ve seen a small child lunged at and bit by a dog and it was awful. If there was any doubt in my mind about it, and especially if I were already entertaining the idea that we weren’t a good “dog family” at this time in our lives, I would be very interested in making some changes.
I’m not any help because the only thing I can come up with to say is: Go with your gut. You will make the right decision for your family.
My cats drive me BLOODY MAD. Would I give them away if I knew they were going to a loving home? I don’t know. I just don’t know.
Good luck.
i don’t think anyone is judging you. i’m certainly not. my hubs wants a dog in the WORST WAY and i’m just not on board with it — for a lot of reasons that you listed you have a hard time with layla… so therefore we are not getting a dog anytime soon.
i’m not sure about fatj saying it’s ALL up to you though ;)
the fact that ryan loves her is great, but sad… the fact that someone really wants her is also great.
i’m glad you have options. obviously this is hard!
I am a believer that your dog is part of your family and that you have to stick with them. That being said, I recongnize that Leila is high energy and exhausting. Have you thought about a dog walker or doggie day care a few times a week? That would get her out of your hair for a while and provide her with the exercise she needs.
We’ll support you in whatever you guys do…but know that we love Leila. She is always welcome to come vacation in Manakto.
i agree a lot with what heather said.
is there any way you could do a trial period? like have her vacation with the potential new family for a week or so? see what it feels like? that could help?
good luck!
this is going to be reeeeally long. but i thought we should, you know, talk this over in person. :)
i completely understand were you’re at (well, as much as i can understand when comparing our dog/living situation to yours). i do think this is something that you can’t really understand until you’ve had both child and dog. before having a dog i didn’t really know why people were so crazy about them, and before having a kid, i thought our dog was always going to be adored like she was before and that people that thought otherwise were just plain wrong. BUT NO. it’s amazing how fast things change. on top of the pure logistics of things like figuring out how you’re going to take the dog outside with a toddler in tow, or fitting the dog and her stuff in the car along with the huge amount of baby ‘necessities’ when you go somewhere for the weekend, i think for a lot of us there’s just not enough patience to go around once you have a kid. torii woke max up from a nap a few weeks ago, barking because, you know, it was RAINING!!! and i seriously contemplated bringing her out in the backyard, wishing her good luck and locking the door. when tom is gone for the weekend and i decide to pack us all up and head to my parents’ house, i’ll be thrilled to finally get there after an hour of ‘wheels on the bus’, but before i can relax i have to clean up because torii has puked no less than three times, guaranteed. i can’t really imagine what it’s going to be like with two kids at some point… the mind boggles.
there’s also so much less time to enjoy with the dog… less time for walking and playing, and less time for snuggling up on the couch with them. i barely notice when our dog is being good (which is probably most of the time), just when she’s being bad (which is probably not a lot, yet seems like ALL OF THE TIME). and sometimes i’ll have been home for a half hour before she practically jumps in my face and i realize, oh, i haven’t given her a scratch yet or even really LOOKED at her. and then i feel bad because she just wants my attention for a few minutes. i used to hug her and give her kisses, but there are days now when i probably don’t even say one nice word to her, and that’s horrible. the problem is that i’m already stretched so thin that there’s not much left of me to give her. and that’s really not very fair to her.
but i think that it will get easier with time… one day max will be able to take himself to the bathroom or dress himself or make his own sandwich. which means he’ll also be able to take the dog to the bathroom or out for a walk or feed the dog (dog food, not his sandwich, which he does quite well right now). he’ll also be able to yell at the dog to LAY DOWN and then roll over and go back to sleep. i think if i can get through these few years without completely tearing my hair out, it will be a good experience for him to grow up with a dog, and i think the things she does that bother me so much right now will feel a lot more manageable.
i also realize things are different for us. i’m really glad that we didn’t get the big dog tom would have liked, because it would be that much harder. our dog is easy to put in the backseat with our kid, or sit on our lap in the car. she can still knock max over when she jumps on him, but her days of being able to do that are numbered as he gets a little steadier on his feet every day. :) she can’t exactly grab food off the counter. she gets enough exercise running around the house. she still manages to annoy the crap out of me though so i can’t really say what i would do if i was in your situation… the extra time and patience needed with a bigger dog might just push me over the edge.
your mom has had our dog for a couple days now because we’re getting a new roof and i’m worried torii might bark herself to death if she was home all day with that going on. max has been searching the house, yelling ‘DAH? DAH??? DAHHHH???’ tom has said he misses her about ten times. i’ve been cleaning our floors after meals. it’s really kind of… sad.
can you do a trial period? :) or i like what katie said about hiring someone to walk her or dropping her off once or twice a week.
good luck… tough decision. whatever you decide, no judgement from me. :)
I am a firm believer that when you adopt an animal you owe it to them to keep them for life. However I do understand that there are some situations where this is not possible.
Leila is a high energy dog who loves to just run and run. She definitely could benefit from more exercise than what you can provide her with at this point. I worry that you may regret giving her up someday. I also worry about how she would do in a household where there is more than one dog. Trust me we thought this would be the best for Tucker. We looked at it as if he’d have a constant companion. Thought it would help get him more exercise and settle him down around other dogs. If he could talk I guarantee that he would tell you he was much happier when it was just the three of us.
I agree with Katie. I think that you should try a couple other options before giving her up. Doggy day care, a dog walker, a treadmill like Cesar recommends on Dog Whisperer. I’m sure the couple would still consider taking Leila 6 months from now if these things don’t help.
I have to comment here on a couple things that came up… In talking with the possible dog adopters, we discussed for sure doing a trial run, with Leila visiting them for a weekend or week or something. I told them that there have been certain dogs that Leila has NOT gotten along with (hi, Smudge!), and if that were the case with the dog they already have, then obviously the situation wouldn’t work out.
I’ve also considered some type of joint-custody doggie-share situation, although I haven’t brought it up yet to the adopters. I don’t know if that would majorly confuse Leila or if she would just go with the flow, but then we could have the best of both worlds- the dog for our family, but a break away from her too.
I also experienced the same kind of thing that Kim talked about. Leila was totally our baby from day one. I made a baby book/scrap book for her, for cripes sake!! (and I am NOT a scrapbooker!) We used to take Leila everywhere- dog parks, long walks, exciting swims, the tree farm for our Christmas tree, etc etc. And I was never really able to fathom how things would change once we had a baby in the house. It is just so much work, and to top it off with a dog that’s ALWAYS underfoot, ALWAYS licking her butt, always dragging an entire oak tree into the house on her fur, ALWAYS barking and waking up the baby (and in addition destroying poopy diapers on the living room carpet and stealing dinners off the counter), well, it just gets really frustrating. And one begins to wonder if it’s really worth all that addition hassle. And then one begins to wonder if maybe there’s someone else out there with the patience necessary to give this doggie the attention she deserves.
So, the pondering continues…
just a clarification on the “it is anne’s decision.” It isn’t really, but I fully realize that I deal with leila about 10% of the time so it isn’t fair for me to say that we keep her when anne has the burden of dealing with her.
In my opinion, I would rather keep her and have a hard time “giving up” since we took on the committment 5 years ago. That said…if it makes anne’s life easier and it makes her happier to give her away, then I would be an ass for insisting we keep her.
I know where you are comming from. Raised our dog from a puppy and then had a baby three years later. I loved her like a child until I had my own. Then all of a sudden EVERYTHING about her anoyed me. I went crazy over the hair and the time and yes we also live in the city and she needs to run around! I still struggle with what to do. I go back and forth from one decision to another. I can tell you that at the end of the day do what you think is best for your family. That includes her. You know her best out of everyone so you make the choice based on what you can live with and what will make her and you happy:) hope that helps a little.
This is a very active post! I’ve never seen so many comments! Maybe we need Anderson Cooper to cover this topic tonight on 360!
I feel your pain. I have 2 dogs, Sarge is a golden who we’ve had for almost 6 years and raised from puppy-dom. Tucker we got when he was a year, he is a hyperactive lab/rott. We’ve spent thousands on training for him and still a spaz. I do believe that when you adopt a pet, you commit to that pet for life. However, it can be argued that perhaps the pet deserves more, right? Maybe another family can devote more time to that pet and love them more than you? If I had a loving person who was active and had time for the bundle of energy that is Tucker, I would definitely consider it. I think in the long run EVERYONE (including dogs) would be happier. I think you should go with the trial run. Maybe do it a few times just to be safe. If you feel good about it, then go for it. If it doesn’t seem to be working, then don’t. Good luck on your difficult decision!
Hey!
The EXACT same thing happened to me and Buddy when Grace gets born. My advice is don’t give away Leila. I think things will get much better once Ryan is a little older. Buddy is SUCH A HUGE part of our lives now and even though he was neglected quite horrible during the first year or two of Grace’s life, he is much more loved and more welcomed than before.
Without him, Grace wouldn’t have a love of animals that she does.
And when they start interacting. . . IT”S THE CUTEST FRICKIN thing in the world.
SO that’s my two cents. I didn’t get to read your whole blog because it was hella long but there’s my two cents.
GOod luck on the decision though. A big difference between you and me is that you are home all day with Leila and I went back to work right away.
So I havent been keeping up on this blog for the last few months but I was told about this post and feel I have to comment.
I feel like if you give her away you will be turning your back on a member of the family. I don’t like the idea at all.
What if someday Ryan becomes a terror, runs around the house and yard with reckless abandon, chews on things, doesnt listen to you, and causes you more grief than you know what to do with. I’m not saying this will happen, but if it does, are you going to give him away too?
The thought of not having Leila around saddens me. She’s a part of the family. I love her, you and Pat love her, Ryan will grow to love her, and I really think you would regret giving her up if you choose to do so.
Hi. My friend emailed me your blog and asked if I could help or have any suggestions.
Obviously, you know your dog the best. To me it sounds as if Leila needs much more exercise than what she currently gets. It is my belief that “A tired dog is a good dog” and that if Leila got much more exercise her naughty/annoying behaviors would not happen as often. There are a couple options if you truly want to keep her in the family. Not sure if you have ever been to an off-leash dog park? I have one near my home and know there a lot of dog parks in the twin cities. Dog parks have made my life much easier and my dog very happy. There are different sizes and types of dog parks. They have some that are an enclosed area where it’s just big enough for the dogs to play with each other (downtown mpls). Most of the D.P. that I have been to have trails for you and your dog to walk and large open fields for the dogs to play fetch or play w/other dogs. Some have lakes or ponds so the dogs can go swimming or cool down during the summer. Obviously, if your dog isn’t very dog friendly, dog parks are not the place for them. Most goldens seem to be very friendly – especially off-leash. Dogs on a leash often act different and are more territorial and protective.
Another option is a doggie daycare. Three of my neighbors take there dog to day care twice a week. When they pick their dogs up, normally their dog is so tired they can barely keep their eyes open! Usually their dogs are tired the day after, which is why they only go every other day.
Finally, another option is to hire a dog walker. There are many small dog walking businesses throughout the cities. I live in the East Metro Area and started my own dog walking/pet sitting business last spring. You can hire someone to walk your dog, run your dog (only a few that offer to run your dog), or some even offer dog park field trips. Most dog walkers offer similar services for similar prices.
I also have fostered a dog through a rescue organization. If you feel as if you really need to give your dog a better home, you could call a rescue organization? I can’t speak for all rescue organizations, but the one I fostered for had a great screening process for potential adopters to properly place dogs in homes that would be a good fit.
Not sure if any of my info will help you or if you have already heard it from others. Good luck making your decision!
I am exhausted just reading all these replies! BUT I think you have gotten a lot of good, well-rounded advice. I put myself in your shoes and I completely understand your frustration with dealing with Leila… but then I really think about giving my fat Pug away and I don’t know if I could do it. Not that life wouldn’t be easier b/c it would be, I just think I might end up missing him and even his little annoyances (but then again Frank’s annoyances don’t really compare to the crazy things Leila has done). :)
Yes, Leila is a part of your family but I think by doing a trial-run for a week – or longer – you can get an idea of what it would be like for you guys without a dog. Obviously it would be critical for Leila and the potential buyers to see how the dogs interact together too. No matter what, it would be extremely hard to say goodbye to the pet you’ve raised since she was a puppy. It sounds like you are going about this in the right way though…
This is your family’s decision and I know you guys will do what is right for you AND for Leila. Knowing Leila, if the dogs hit if off, she will be so much happier to be able to run free, play and have a playmate in her new home. You and Pat may feel that you’re “giving up” or “setting a bad example” to Ryan but I think it’s the opposite. I don’t think you would consider this if it wasn’t possibly the best decision for your family… Good Luck! I support you!
I am a bit obsessed with my dog so I could never give him up but I also don’t have a kid and won’t for about 5-6 more months. I grew up with goldens and they are VERY hard to take care of until they are about 7-8 and then they become so lazy that you won’t even know she is around.
The are freaks about tennis balls as you know but they are so loving and sweet. I think that if you are really annoyed with her and feel that another family could give her more of what she needs than maybe you should consider giving her up. It doesn’t make you a bad person if anything you are trying to do what is best for everyone.
If you decide to keep her you may want to try some things like maybe paying a neighbor kid to walk her once a day. Getting her a bark collar should help with the barking and a gentle leader for when you walk her. They work wonders.
Talk about comments!
I wandered over here from Jenn @ Stickyfeathers.
I don’t have a baby, or a dog, so I am not even sure I have grounds to comment, but anyway…
I think what everyone has said is so true, especially that only YOU know your pup. I think that is EXTREMELY understandable that you may want to give Leila the space, excersie and attention she wants/needs.
Just a couple points I thought of while reading:
– Did you talk about dog-sharing. That sounds like the best option to me! I think that dogs are flexible and loving and it wouldn’t be too confusing to go back and forth. We’re not talking about an adjusting child here, right?
– When Ryan gets a little older and able to take on responsibility a dog may be a great friend and companion.
– That being said, even as he does get older (and since I haven’t read your blog before, I don’t really know the answer to this question), but even as he does get older and the stress of taking care of dog and toddler gets easier, would you and your husband ever think of having another child and repeat the process?
– Do you have kids/preteens in the neighborhood that would love a dog but can’t have one at home for whatever reason who would take on the responsibility of walking/playing for a small amount of $?
Anyway, thanks for letting me add my two cents. Keep us posted on what you decide!
I don’t have a dog myself but my parents do. They recently adopted one who had been rescued. With the economy the way it is, it seems that people are just leaving their pets to roam the streets either because they can’t afford them, foreclosures, or relocating to another area and can’t take the dog. I don’t understand how someone could do that but I could understand giving one up to a home you feel may be better than yours.
We had a dog we gave up because we got him at an older age but could never potty train him and it was getting to much for us when no one was home to put him outside all the time.
I agree that when Ryan is older he can help take care of the dog, but when there is another baby in the house, will Ryan be old enough for that big of responsibility yet? Will you have the energy to deal with Leila, a baby and Ryan along with all your other daily tasks and still remain happy?
I have no idea when you plan on having anymore kids, if at all, but it is something to think about when making your decision. I’m guessing Leila is too big for Ryan to help take for walks when he is 5 or 6…so how will she get adequate exercise even a few years down the road unless you hire someone to do it or invest the time and energy to bring her to a dog park?
Hi,
I know you posted this a long time ago but I’m just wondering what you decided to do? I’m in exactly the same situation now. We’ve had Marvin (a basset/springer cross) since he was 8 weeks old. He’s now 3. Our baby is 1. When our baby arrived, everything changed. I still love Marv, but his constant need for attention drives me mad! We have a prospective family coming to see him tomorrow and I’m torn and tormented about it. On one hand it would be lovely to have a little more freedom and it would be a relief, but on the other hand my baby loves the dog and I love him too, would feel guilty and miss him terribly. I don’t know what to do. I feel terribly guilty and I am starting to think maybe we should just keep him. my husband thinks he would be happier in a family where he got more attention. I am torn.