I really need to know…am I the only mom who doesn’t like playing with her kid 24/7?? Let me rephrase that. It’s not that I don’t like being around my son, hanging out with him, interacting with him, enjoying his company. I do! I love him to death! But there’s just something about his incessant need to have me play with him that, well, bores me. Maybe it’s just that I’m tired of the toys that he has. Or maybe it’s that when he ORDERS me to sit down and play with him one of two things happens: 1.) He sits there and plays and when I try to do something he insists that he do it so I end up sitting there doing absolutely nothing, or 2.) he sits there and watches me and does nothing while *I* play. And my mind inevitably wanders to all of the productive things that I could be doing instead, like writing a grocery list or blow drying my hair or vacuuming or washing last night’s dinner dishes. So then I feel guilty because I KNOW!! I should JUST ENJOY THIS TIME WITH HIM! THEY DON’T STAY YOUNG FOREVER! ONE DAY HE’LL WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU AND YOU’LL WISH HE ASKED YOU TO PLAY WITH HIM. But guh, seriously after like 5 minutes of playing I have ants in my pants and have to find something else to do. And then Ryan gets mad and whiny and clingy and starts following me around the house and hitting the dog and whipping his blanket around because I’m not playing with him. It’s not that I’m not paying attention to him- we talk, and we sing songs, and we make up little games while I’m doing stuff…but it’s that I’m not playing with him that is apparently upsetting.
So I’m wondering…is a parent obligated to play with their child all day long? Am I a terrible parent and person because I get bored with playing after five minutes? Am I ignoring or neglecting my son if I tell him it’s time for me to do some work around the house instead of play with him? Do YOU spend a lot of time playing with your kid(s)?? Or are they super at playing independently? How do you find the balance between getting done what you need to and spending quality time with the children? And what about you working parents? When you get home from work do you spend the rest of the evening focusing solely on playtime with your kid, or do you insist that they entertain themselves while you get something done?
How does one find a good balance between playtime and work, and keep everyone happy???
AND, accepting all ideas for any new and different activities for us to do together in the house during these dreary, long winter days…
FatJ 
We made the mistake of hovering over Renee for every single thing she did for the first two years of her life and before Cameron was born, and even when he was a baby, she was really needy like that. I really try to encourage independent play and she is getting better at it, I suppose because she had to learn as I was taking care of a baby so much of the last year. She’ll still say “Mama, play with me?” and most of the time I do when she asks because I feel too guilty to say no.
After work is sort of a different story, we eat dinner and then we all play together. I feel like I owe them that much. The chores wait until they go to bed. The weekend, I’m all about them JUST FINDING SOMETHING TO DO ALREADY. You’re a kid, use your imagination, play pretend, do SOMETHING besides hound me all day long. I personally think it’s good for them.
I’m with you Anne, and I am only home 4 days a week! There are many, many days where I turn to what I call “scavenger hunt”. Pretty much I sit on the couch, drink coffee/tea/cider and ask Wes to go find things around the house and bring them to me. He loves it, and it gives me a break. On a good day, we do reverse scavenger hunt and he puts everything away (note this is very rare!).
I also cover our coffee or dining room table with paper and let him color or paint all over it. He thinks it’s fun and it does occupy him on his own for a while.
On work days I do try to focus solely on him when I get home. I also feel that is only fair to him. I mean I do work on dinner, but cleanup is saved for after he is in bed, usually.
I do think encouraging independent play is important, and I also think it’s important for him to see us doing chores around the house and just normal life stuff. So I do a lot of “I’ll come play with you, but first I have to do…”. He’ll get mad some times, but I just leave it and he usually finds something to distract himself until I’m done doing what I need to do.
For outside the house stuff, I just discovered this: http://www.stlouispark.org/tots_preschool_programs.htm
I needed to find something to force us out of the house this winter, or we’ll both go nuts.
Yeah, I never play with them. They don’t really ask me too either, they are always consumed in their own little games and pretend play. But, I have 3 and they do a wonderful job of keeping each other occupied, for the most part. Bennett is extremely needy. I will play with him more because he’s always into trouble if I don’t. I’m working on making him more independent though.
I’m like you Anne, I get bored and my mind wanders. There is always something more “productive” I could be doing, you know, like reading blogs, or FB’ing!
I think it’s good for kids to play independently. I have always had this mind set and my kids have amazing imaginations. When we do play together, we read stories, color or do puzzles.
So this is the thing I struggle with MOST OF ALL. I am so glad that I am not the only one. I have 3 kids and they all seem to want/need me to play with them individually all the time. They will play together but only for about 5 mins before one of them comes crying to me. I have tried and tried to get them to play independently. I also think this time of year is really hard. Not only have they just started kindergarten & preschool so they are used to being stimulated during the day but the weather is only nice enough to be out for an hour or two.
Thinking about it, many years ago the farm mothers weren’t really able to play with their kids much at all right? So how did we get to the point where we feel guilty if we don’t? Granted I do not have as many chores now as I would if I lived on a farm but the bills still need to get paid and the clothes still need to get washed and who’s gonna make lunch? Thanks for letting me vent :)
BTW I am guessing that you are a CSB alum??? Me too. I graduated in 2000 and my husband graduated (SJU) in 1998. Is the Jen you speak of in your other blog Jen Berry? I think I used to work with her in the management office at main????
I am with Beanski . . . I catered to Cooper’s every need 24/7 for the first 20-months of his life – so much so that at 4.5 years of age he is now only really learning and understanding how to play/occupy himself independently. Maren, on the other hand, is great at keeping herself entertained, and I am hoping that Briar will develop a similar habit.
I ADORE playing with the kids, but am like you . . . I get bored, or don’t do it ‘right’, and my mind wanders to all of the other things I could be doing. I try to balance it all out by making the time that I do spend playing with them count – by making it experience rich and taking advantage of the teachable moments within it.
I think this is a ‘helicopter parent’ generation thing and also have read that this is another uniquely American ‘guilt’ thing… like most other cultures around the world would look at us really weird for how much time we spend on the floor playing with our toddlers. And our parents and their parents pretty much sent their kids outside and told them to come back for dinner. I always think back to when I was little and if my mom played with me… no. I have great memories of playing Barbies and My Little Ponies and dress-up, and sometimes it’s with my sister or friends, but if not it was by myself, inventing stories of my own. Sure, my mom did stuff with me, but it was stuff I have the feeling she liked to do, too… baking cookies, playing cards or board games, etc – but not ‘playing’ imaginatively the way that kids should. And I think she was a pretty great mom, so no, I don’t think it makes you a terrible parent. :)
As for me, I’ve realized since having Vivi just how much we were constantly with Max before and that he is pretty horrible at playing by himself… I’m totally with Gina and Nicole there. Obviously when you have this baby it’s just not going to be possible to play with Ryan all day long even if you wanted to, so it’ll change. You could start working on it now and maybe make the transition a little easier. :) Now when I’m home full-time I try to do things with Max that we both like doing when she is napping… bake cookies, do puzzles, art projects… but when I’m feeding her or otherwise occupied, that is his time to play pretend with his trucks, watch Bob the Builder for the millionth time, etc (things only one of us like doing :). He used to follow us every single time we left the room, but he’s getting a little better a couple months in… still needs work, but I think part of that is the age they are at, too.
I also agree that it’s different when you’re a working parent… between coming home from work and bedtime, other than making dinner it’s pretty much strictly time for the kids. So you get anything done around the house or do anything for yourself after bedtime or on weekends.
So, all that to say… ‘am I a terrible parent and person because I get bored with playing after five minutes?’ NO.
Thank you for posting about this. As a soon to be first time stay at home mom (that’s a mouthful!) I worry about this already! I know it’s different when they’re your own kids and all that, but I get bored playing with other people’s kids after a while, so I’m pretty sure I’ll get bored with my own. It’s good to hear that this is normal. Maybe Sarah and our crews will have to have regular playdates so the kiddos can all keep each other occupied.
I’m with you… I really don’t care to “play” with the boys. And for the most part they do entertain themselves (that or drive me nuts pestering eachother). I do try to spend time with them by watching them play and chatting with them or snuggling with them or reading them books in the evenings after work. Other than that… they’re on their own.
I did a post ohhh 2 years ago on this topic. http://nbarczak.wordpress.com/2007/08/09/benign-neglect-and-bored-kids/