Allow me to share a glimpse into what our nights have been like the past 4 weeks:

Last night, I awaken at 3:00am to the sound of a screaming baby. As I’m clearing the fog from my eyes, I realize I don’t know where I am. Open eyes wider. Ah yes, on the couch in the living room, where I’ve been sleeping since 12:30am in order to avoid excessively loud baby hiccuping. I make my way back upstairs as the screams get louder. I arrive in our bedroom to find my wonderful husband standing in the middle of the room holding the baby. As I’m settling into bed to feed said baby, the following conversation ensues:

Me: Have you changed him yet?

(no response- husband continues to stand in middle of room with screaming baby)

Me: Have you changed his diaper yet?

FatJ: No.

Me: Okay, I’ll feed him after you change him.

FatJ: No. I have to…ugh…uh (slurred speech).

Me: (concerned husband is having a stroke or something) WHAT?? What are you trying to say?

FatJ: I…(pause) (pause) have to, um…I have to find the ham!

Me: WHAT??

(Husband hands baby to me, walks over to bassinet. Picks up blanket from bassinet and throws it back into bassinet.)

FatJ: OR…..I GUESS NOT!! It’s not there. (um yeah, I think to myself, I’m quite grateful we’re not storing ham in our bassinet)

(Husband comes back and picks up baby and enters our upstairs changing zone.)

Whoa. Immediate thought is husband is going bonkers. When baby is returned to me, I ask FatJ why he was looking for ham in the bassinet. And he responds, rather gruffly, “I was NOT looking for ham! I was looking for the stuff from HAMLINE, your diploma, so I could bring it to the graduation party!”

*Note: we are not having a graduation party.

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