(Alternate title: I’m too old for this.)

In an effort to look like that really fun mom who’s willing to get down and dirty with her active boys, I made a split-second decision the other day to swing from a vine. I put all my weight into jumping up, grabbing a swinging vine-like tree branch from a snarl of vine-like branches in a wooded area near our home, and the next thing I knew I was crashing to the ground. I landed on my a$$, injuring my left side and left hand in the process, while simultaneously biting my tongue and getting hit in the head with the now broken vine-like tree branch.

And what did Tarzan himself do in response? Scream and cry and whine that YOU BROKE IT MOMMY! YOU BROKE THE STICK!!! WAAAAAAAAAH!! NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO???? Nevermind that your mother can barely walk and most likely has a traumatic head injury here. PLEASE KEEP CRYING ABOUT THE BROKEN BRANCH.

I’m going to be feeling this for the next week at least, guaranteed.